hee hee hian chung came into my room today and declared it a war zone. I have a stack of printed papers on my lap, half of which won't end up being used. I shudder to think about the environment. I'm typing this between printing, which takes too long because I tak sampai hati to let the printer print on one side of the page only.
I heart my printer.
(oh, the stack of the day is biology - should dna be used as conclusive evidence in criminal courts?)
college tomorrow. you have no idea how depressing the thought of it is. mostly because I sense trouble. I swear I keep forgetting things. don't believe me? ask syn dee, whose question 'where are you' in the morning frequently receives the reply 'in the library. feeling stupid.' tres horrible.
I HAVE NOT DONE MY COURSEWORK. ultimately, the worst thing about the end of holidays.
So I sit here and wonder. What the hell is the point?
KEM KHIDMAT NEGARA PUTRA-PUTRI, ALOR GAJAH, MELAKA
Rowen! says:
I think I found my camp
Rowen! says:
it's in a freaking jungle
Rowen! says:
wonderful
Rowen! says:
it's 1.7 km into the kebun kelapa sawit
Jun Wen! says:
Even if you managed to escape from that camp, you might not be able to make it out alive.
yc says:
hahaha
Malaysia Boleh
This is me, badgering Jun-Wen. I think if you count the ratio of my lines to his, it would be about 10:1. I should not be blamed though. I have not seen him in ages and I miss him. =(
***
Rowen! says:
I don't want to go to collegeeeeee
Rowen! says:
tell me why we have to study
My brain is starting to rot! says:
To gain more knowledge, to be civilized, to know the world
Rowen! says:
why must there be exams?
Rowen! says:
and investigative studies
Rowen! says:
and problems
My brain is starting to rot! says:
I dont know either
Rowen! says:
I have physics exam on thursday
Rowen! says:
bio math and english next week
My brain is starting to rot! says:
ooo good luck!
Rowen! says:
math and chem last week
Rowen! says:
bio the week before that
Rowen! says:
chem the week after
Rowen! says:
this is horrible
Rowen! says:
I want to sit at home and sleep
Rowen! says:
I want to go on holiday
Rowen! says:
I want to watch a movie
My brain is starting to rot! says:
So any big assignments now?
Rowen! says:
too many
Rowen! says:
english bio physics and chem
Rowen! says:
all with the same deadlines
Rowen! says:
and huge amounts of work
Rowen! says:
hahaha am I scaring you?
Rowen! says:
sorry =(
***
Am I scaring you too? Oops.
EDIT.
I counted. The ratio is really only 5:1.
Seputeh MP Teresa Kok and Sin Chew reporter Tan Hoon Cheng detained under ISA too.
With RPK I had more of resignation - he knew this was coming, he was prepared to face it and he is ready to fight.
Now I am so so angry I want to rant but no one is awake. More than that, I am disappointed and I fear for this country.
How can they do this
How is any of this fair
How can our leaders stand for this
Is there no one with any integrity up there?
why
They are innocent people
How come you can declare them threats to national security
after all you have done
What have they done but stood across the line from you
What, just because you have power you're allowed to arrest them without a trial for the rest of their lives?
SHE'S A REPORTER
SHE WAS DOING HER JOB
What was Ahmad doing at that ceramah?
What are you arresting her for? Reporting words that could cause racial tensions? When HE said the words while she RECORDED them?
why are you killing the messenger?
I am so scared.
I don't ever want to take a photo of a malay, a chinese and an indian holding hands and smiling into the camera, then use that as proof that there is no such thing as racial tension. It's demeaning, it's an insult to your intelligence and mine, and frankly, it makes me want to scream.
how. shallow. can you get.
I am tired of writing essays which go like this: if we do this, that and everything else, then we can achieve Vision 2020 and be cemerlang, gemilang dan terbilang (because there are no problems that cannot be fixed by a campaign and stringent enforcement of rules and most of all, moral and religious studies!)
I can't stand writing essays I have no moral investment in; I can't stand writing essays I don't believe in. There are only so many times I can write happy idealistic paragraphs on the state of my country when every single day I worry about everything that is wrong today and wonder why our leaders can't seem to think before they talk.
There is only so much I can write before I stare at the paper in frustration because the words ring false, because the words are so silly and weak in the face of the world today where we have real problems of racial segregation, safety issues and political upheaval. Injustice and oppression.
I don't know how to get rid of all this moral uprightness and personal perspective
how to write A1 BM opinion essays again
can't remember how to write without thinking
help.
we are walking this rocky, winding, dangerous road which we know will lead us to a better place. as if it weren't enough of a struggle, suddenly a group of people from the other beautiful, well-laid, wide open road decide to set up a road block on our god-forsaken road.
they shout and scream and call us names: why are you on this road? they yell. our road is better and it is the road we have always walked. it is the road we must always walk! they don't seem to realise that their road leads to the end of the world, with all its pain and its horror and hate.
they just stand in the middle of our road, making a lot of noise. why are you making life difficult? they question. just accept our road as it is. don't change roads after 50 years! (you are making us look bad with your change of plans)
at first we try to reason with them. we exchange our knowledge, try to show them the end of the road. but they don't listen. then we ask them to share their opinions. but they refuse. they say it will only make things difficult. so we sigh, and ask to continue our journey. but they stand fast. they start to attack us.
now we are covering by the side of our rocky, winding, dangerous road. trying to figure out what to do.
and we ask ourselves. why can't they see?
To everyone who wanted to know why ju vern was not happy: it was a really crappy day. Now it is almost midnight, and I have covered enough distance to not feel like crying everytime I am expected to reply and explain and discuss.
Thank you for the hugs and the cheer-ups and the jangan sedihs, guys, and birthday boy - I am very sorry if I had you worried there. Here's a secret: I was rather upset when I sent out that birthday message, regardless of whatever that smiley represents. Here's something you won't know till tomorrow: I baked brownies (for you!), which was a welcome distraction from doom and gloom.
I honestly haven't felt so torn up over real life in a long while. I think it was the holding back for half the day; the need to put on a brave face and say 'I can handle this'. I can. It's all about perspective. But it doesn't stop it from hurting, does it?
Labels: confessions, everyday, rants
The days ring by in a flurry of 'but I haven't studied yet!'s.
Each exam gets more and more hollow. You should see the happy-clappy essays we write, involving everything from ways to curb the rising crime rate to ways to stop global warming, to ways to eradicate poverty, to ways to curing cancer. I swear, if all the bm karangans written in Malaysia came true, we would not only have solved the world's problems, we'd also have a billion campaigns running at the same time.
The sheer irony of writting more and more rhetoric, all the time. Is there any wonder that the country's leaders are more concerned with talking than doing? It's what our education system is teaching us, anyway - gunakan laras bahasa dan peribahasa! The markers know that's what gets you the A1, rather than what your essay is saying. I mean, as long as you don't critisize the Angkasawan or Khidmat Negara, who cares?
Now if you'll excuse me, I'm going to rehabilitate all the drug addicts in the country. Cheers!
Angry.
1. What the hell happened to meritocracy?
You know, what our history text books taught us was that Islam introduced the concept in Spain. They introduced 'greater social freedom' by judging people not based on their wealth, or who they knew, but by knowledge and skill.
The UMNO Youth Education Bureau commented today that "PSD scholarships are being taken from the bumiputras to be given to the non-bumiputras. The quota for non-bumiputras has increased from 10% to 45% but the number of total scholarships has remained at 2,000.We object to this move because it now means that 700 scholarships for bumiputra students are gone."
WHY is it that race counts when you are applying for help in furthering your education? Surely the powers up there don't want us to think that a certain race is better than another? That would be wrong because that is precisely the mentality that brought us the Holocaust and the Second World War. Racial purity as a philosophy failed the moment Adolf Hitler decided to act on his delusions.
There are plenty of criteria you can use for the handing out of scholarships. Academic and cocurricular accomplishments, background. People who need help and deserve it. Don't give it to the datuk's son, damn it. If he can buy a datukship, he can afford to send his children to uni. If he didn't buy the datukship, then he is doing well enough to send his children to uni anyway.
Give it to the teachers' children, give it to the police force's kids. Give it to the repairman's son helping out at the garage who dreams of breaking the cycle of poverty and could do it, too, if only you gave him a chance. We hear the stories every day. Our seniors we live in awe of because they seem to have done everything and more - yet they don't get the scholarships they deserve. No, they don't have ministers for uncles or neurosurgeons for fathers or society women for mothers. They are normal people who have worked hard, and dared to hope.
99.9% of our DNA is identical, yet we spend most of our time focusing on the 0.1% which is different.
Race is not a factor. Yes, you say that the bumiputras in Sabah and Sarawak need a quota or they would not get into our local universities. They cannot be left behind, you argue. The truth is, if they had proper education and the facilities we do, they would do just as well. They could do better. They are being pushed aside. You point at the quota left for them in universities but how many students with bright futures give up in primary school and secondary school? Help them. Help them before they become disillusioned with the country and give up. Don't you dare say there is no money. You sent an Angkasawan to space. He came back and the experiments were destroyed on landing.
2. There are so many things wrong with the Malaysian education system. It would be supremely ironical if we produced successful, respected graduates in spite of the flaws like Singapore does, but no, the sad truth is we don't. When something is broken, fix it.
One example: I was sitting in a theory class on driving the other day when the instructor posed a question, told us we were all wrong, and proceeded to tell us the answer. I filed it away, then an automatic response popped up in my mind: that's not going to come out in the test.
It is not my desire to be as shallow as that. In fact, it was to my complete horror that it happened. It was a piece of info that was going to be useful when I got on the road, and it might save my life one day. Yet my brain labelled it insignificant because I was fairly certain it would not appear on a test. This is ingrained in the system of almost every student in Malaysia, people. It is wrong. This results in people who will never go beyond what they need to know into what they could know. This is a closed mind: there is a box, and there is nothing outside the box.
3. Chinese is our mother tongue, yet everywhere in the nation, people are struggling to score an A1 in SPM Chinese. Surely we are not that incompetent? After all, we have mastered your mother tongue: Bahasa Melayu or Bahasa Malaysia (which have you changed it to this time?). We have even, lo and behold, mastered notoriously difficult subjects like Additional Mathematics and Physics. Why is it that a mastery of Chinese eludes us? Would you care to explain why an A1 in Add Math and Physics only require scores of high 60-s to low-70s when Chinese requires us to score, at the very lowest, high 80-s? The requirement for an A1 has even jumped to 94%. But of course you knew that. You drew the graph that year, didn’t you?
The Chinese language is the language of the future. The whole world is fighting for the chance to learn Chinese and grab a piece of the China pie. Why are you stifling the growth of Chinese in your country? You have countrymen who are willing to teach you the language. Why are you stabbing those who will help you in the back? You have to believe. You have to accept that we are Malaysian. We were born here, we grew up here. Whatever you do, we will always have love for the country, patriotism, loyalty. We will come back and we will give back. Have some faith.
Keep doing what you’re doing. One day the Chinese will all fly to Singapore, to Australia, to Hong Kong, to America, and you will beg them to come back. When they stay where they are, you will be angry. You will blame them and call them disloyal. This amounts to treason, you will say. And you will forget, like we always forget when we are in the wrong, the day when a member of parliament stood up and declared, ‘If you are not happy, then go back to China.’ You will forget the day when leaders of the country swore that the keris would be soaked in Chinese blood. You will only be angry because regret is not in your vocabulary.
4. This is an appeal to the Education Ministry. Moral education is a waste of our time. We are not learning to be better people. There is no meaning in memorising definitions of moral values. It is negative psychology at its best because memorising it? makes us hate it. Believe me, the integration of moral values through the subject Moral Education is flawed.
If you disagree, please TELL us how it is benefiting us and the country. Issue a memorandum, make a statement, hold a press conference. Don’t ignore the problem like it isn’t there. What problem? Interview any secondary school student in Malaysia. (Did you know that nowhere in the 36 moral values is ‘honesty’ mentioned? One would think honesty is the first value we need to learn as a nation – the reasons for this statement need not be elaborated. Besides, Lincoln has his own legend about honesty! You don’t hear stories about moderation, do you?)
5. Replace Moral with Geography. Somehow, someone decided long ago that Geography is not a required subject for students above the age of 15. It is an embarrassment. Most people wouldn’t be able to tell you where Turkey is, let alone the name of its capital. Who was the person who decided that knowing about the world around you is not important? Our three years of Geo were dedicated to Malaysia. Somehow the other 194 other countries in the world never made it into the picture.
6. Deciding to teach Math and Science in English was the best decision you ever made. Don’t shake things up by proposing to change it back every few months. Don’t give people false hope that it’ll all go back to BM; how are they going to accept facts if you keep feeding them lines about reviewing the system? So certain people have problems with learning in English. That’s why it’s called the education system, so they can learn. If not now, then when? You surely don’t expect them to miraculously become masters in English after they move on from secondary school? This matters. Please don’t produce another Nur Amalina who went to England as Malaysia’s top student and failed a basic English test.
Please. We criticize because we care.
Your children have been sent to Australia. Have you no faith in your education system? Then make the changes. They might not benefit your children, but they will benefit the children of the nation.
Surely you care too.
there is a faith people have in doctors, a belief, however unfounded it may be, that they will help to make everything right again. it is an illusion, of course, one that is roughly exposed whenever a loved one is hurt or harmed or gone but still, after the pain numbs, we keep believing in doctors. the elite group who meddle with our bodies because we give them every right to do so. they have certificates that we people have given them to help and to heal, proof that they know more than we do about our own bodies.
people believe that doctors are inherently good, just as they believe casino owners and lawyers are inherently bad. not a fact. because they can't be, the way horoscopes just can't be right - they encompass too many people and too many situations and we are human beings caught in this huge huge web of action and reaction. who knows when the next gust of wind will come, and change everything?
at the most primal, human beings have only two choices - fight or flight. and I have the utmost respect for people who step up and will do what needs to be done. when most people stop and stare, or look away, or just plain run and hide themselves away - doctors - I believe they will never step away from someone who really needs help. in a situation where they can help, they will. because knowledge and heart and ego is a powerful combination.
Doctors Without Borders have doctors helping and healing in China, Myanmar, Sudan - disaster-striken areas without proper healthcare or sanitation, without proper food, clean water, comfortable accomodation. man-made or natural, disaster is disaster, and the effects are so often hidden away behind press conferences and videos that glitter like gold. there is so much hurt in this world. so much hate.
this web we're all in? our part of the web is fine. the hole on the other side of the web? can't see it. doesn't exist. it's there. of course it's there. it'll always be there. truth is, the hole will get bigger and bigger, until the whole web collapses. but we'll see that when it collapses, no sooner.