Saturday, June 13, 2009 @6:12 PM

Labels: espial
Monday, March 9, 2009 @5:00 PM

Labels: espial
Thursday, December 25, 2008 @7:18 PM

Imperfections, in the absence of love - discord, marred harmony.
Imperfections, in the
presence of love - perfection.
Today, and all days, I wish you the power to see imperfections as they should be seen - proof of man's handicraft; effort wherein none could have existed, but did.
May we acknowledge the potency of all imperfections - but still, search for our own visions of elusive perfection.
Who is the world to tell you that nobody is perfect?
Labels: espial
Tuesday, December 23, 2008 @2:40 AM
it doesn't hurt anymore.
not a while ago it would have.
and for that, at least, I am grateful.
what the hell
throwing caution to the wind
I'm tired of self-editing
Is it strange to miss someone before they're gone?
I crave even though I know - I know - it's all wrong.
Like clinging to ice and white chocolate.
Wondering and guilt and insanity.
Imagination silent as thought; half fears, half tears.
Wishes on stars that can't be seen at night.
Fire burns out fire.
Labels: confessions, espial, heart
Thursday, October 30, 2008 @9:36 PM
I want to believe Everything will work itself out.
Life is greater than the day to day.
One man can make a difference.
We will find our soul mates.
I want to believe in infinite possibility.
The potential of the
very next
second.
You.
Labels: espial
Tuesday, October 21, 2008 @11:30 PM
Look what I do for SPM essay questions! Maxine calls my writing 'Hallmark'. Ah well. I like.
(Ouch! Way too many words. Ask me for a Word document if you're that interested.)
Question 4 – Write a story ending with 'She was the happiest person on Earth.'
The building was shabby, nondescript. The paint was peeling off the walls. She took a deep breath, pushed open the door and walked in. A mob of children rushed at her feet, grasping and tugging at her skirt, almost pulling her over. She knelt and fended them off, laughing. Their enthusiasm was infectious as a babble of voices assaulted her ears. 'Jie jie! Look at my picture!' One cried, waving a bright, multi-coloured piece of paper in her eyes where not one splash of colour was within the lines. She alternately praised and teased them, ruffling their hair and smiling at the sparkling eyes.
The first time she had come to Annfield Orphanage, they had hung back, eyeing her warily and making no effort to approach. She had cajoled and even bribed them with toys and candy, but it had taken many repeated visits for them to accept her as one of their own. They were too used to being abandoned; trust did not come easily to them. Annfield Orphanage housed young children from the ages of two to six, after which the children were sent to boarding school. Seventeen-year-old Anne had been volunteering there for six months.
Today, she stayed with the children for a while more before she was whisked off to help in the kitchen and then the bathrooms and the bedrooms. There was much to do at Annfield Orphanage; they relied on meagre handouts from the government and unreliable public donations to keep themselves up and running. Anne was a regular and knew what had to be done. She was a great help at the orphanage and she was much treasured and liked by the orphanage's permanent staff.
'Anne!' called a warm voice. Its owner suited her voice exactly: warm, kindly and just a bit plumb, Mrs. Choo had founded and ran the orphanage. Anne was immensely fond of her. Mrs. Choo was like a grandmother to all the children in the orphanage, but Anne admired her perseverance, her unshaking desire to help and do good in the world. Mrs. Choo had come with a request; she wanted Anne to take over a teaching post in the orphanage for a while before they hired a new one. She would teach the children basic English before they were transferred to schools.
Pleased, Anne walked into the room of six-year-olds. She had come to know most of them in the six-month stint as a volunteer. She sang the alphabet song with them and soon the room was filled with excited voices as they attempted to best each other by singing at the speed of bullet trains. Anne loved to see the children happy. Stepping inside the orphanage had always been difficult. She hated that the children lived in poor conditions, hated that they were crowded together in tiny rooms, hated that they had not enough food to eat. She hated that life had treated the children unfairly. Making the laugh was the only way to make them, and her, forget.
In the crowd of noisy children around her, she almost didn't notice a boy sitting among them who had his mouth clamped shut and his eyes turned to the ground. He seemed to be bigger than the rest of the group. She directed the children to stop singing and start writing letters on pieces of paper. The children plopped down on the floor with pencils in their hands and their faces tight with concentration.
She walked among them, observing. Almost all of the children were writing well-formed letters; their former teacher had taught them well. The boy, though, was gripping his pencil and writing what could only be described as squiggles. Mrs. Choo looked in and whispered to Anne that he had learning problems and had been sent back by his school as they could not teach him. He was nine years old and could neither read nor write. He spoke rarely.
Anne resolved to help him. She came back for their weekly English lessons, teaching the children and more importantly, making them laugh. The boy was withdrawn but she stood by him to guide him, dragging him into her activities with the rest of the class. She handed him paper and paint; the wild splashes of red and yellow seemed to speak of unexpressed anger and frustration. Undeterred, she took his hand to help him write, then sat with him and read to him.
Weeks passed. As she stepped into the door, he joined the excited welcoming group. He tugged at her sleeve. 'Jie jie, I want to show you something.' He had a piece of paper and a pencil in hand. Writing with an intent, almost fierce expression on the face, stroke by stroke, he wrote his name in childish but unmistakable letters. A.D.A.M. He looked up at her, his eyes bright. He smiled.
And right then, right there, she was absolutely certain. She was the happiest person on Earth.
Labels: espial
Sunday, September 21, 2008 @8:27 PM
loss
1.
sometimes the fear
like that dark wall of water
when the dam collapses
leaves you gasping
drowning
2.
this is how I deal with my issues
building walls
banish the darkness I inhibit the light world outside
when the walls fall
what do I do with the shadows?
3.
it is inevitable
but I am unprepared
irrationable it may be
still the fear remains
4.
I love you
I hope you know
Labels: confessions, espial, heart
Tuesday, September 2, 2008 @11:08 PM
I am
terrified
but I don't know why
would you live your life all over again
would you give up on the way here
would you change
I would
would you glance into the future
see yourself
and risk falling apart
will you help me
Labels: confessions, espial
Wednesday, August 20, 2008 @8:08 PM
lovehate
lovehate
Labels: espial, heart
Monday, August 11, 2008 @9:21 PM
Bar Council Open Forum on Conversion to Islam Stopped by Demonstrators 09.08.08
we are walking this rocky, winding, dangerous road which we know will lead us to a better place. as if it weren't enough of a struggle, suddenly a group of people from the other beautiful, well-laid, wide open road decide to set up a road block on our god-forsaken road.
they shout and scream and call us names: why are you on this road? they yell. our road is better and it is the road we have always walked. it is the road we must always walk! they don't seem to realise that their road leads to the end of the world, with all its pain and its horror and hate.
they just stand in the middle of our road, making a lot of noise. why are you making life difficult? they question. just accept our road as it is. don't change roads after 50 years! (you are making us look bad with your change of plans)
at first we try to reason with them. we exchange our knowledge, try to show them the end of the road. but they don't listen. then we ask them to share their opinions. but they refuse. they say it will only make things difficult. so we sigh, and ask to continue our journey. but they stand fast. they start to attack us.
now we are covering by the side of our rocky, winding, dangerous road. trying to figure out what to do.
and we ask ourselves.
why can't they see?Labels: espial, Malaysia, rants
Wednesday, August 6, 2008 @6:49 PM
one day
we will slip
away
and find ourselves again
in a world without fear
or thoughts of the future
shadowing
us
Labels: espial
Saturday, August 2, 2008 @11:38 PM
I envy
People who can light up a room
just by walking into it
Light it up with
Wit, humour, an infectious laugh
Beauty, sincerity, a perfect smile
Talent, presence, pure undeniable joy
Charisma
electrifies
Labels: confessions, espial
Thursday, July 24, 2008 @11:36 PM
here's a thought: the future doesn't exist.
it doesn't! it's an abstract concept of possibilities, of what we think might happen - but nothing, nothing of the future is real.
the past has happened. the present is happening. but the future is an infinite number of paths which could lead to the same conclusion, or could lead to different worlds. it's enough to make your head spin - the sheer number of choices that we have to make that all lead to another now.
so what does this all imply? it raises the question of why we have this concept of the future. we humans plan and anticipate and dread and worry about events that could happen - but it's all in our heads - in flashes and images of you, me and everything else.
what if we decided that we shouldn't let the future dictate our present? we'd have a lot less hate, but also a lot less of hope. and nothing of significance.
***
Labels: espial
Friday, July 18, 2008 @8:15 PM
sometimes (in a moment of
clarity) everything seems so. simple.
other times
it's the hardest in the world.
why can't we all just do
the
right thing?
Labels: espial, heart
Wednesday, June 11, 2008 @11:48 PM
America needs Obama like the wizarding world needs Harry Potter and Gotham City needs Batman and Malaysia needs another Dato' Onn Jaafar.
We humans need all the hope that's left in
Pandora's Box even if it's so deep down we have to excavate it.
There are times I wonder why we can't all be like Calvin with his Hobbes and believe that the cardboard box will bring us back to the past.
Labels: espial, Malaysia
Friday, June 6, 2008 @9:51 PM

Labels: espial
Saturday, May 24, 2008 @3:11 PM
Death
behind me
I turn and try to catch his eye
but he will never do me the honour
come out and fight like a man
we are playing chess
but I never see my opponent
while he watches me everywhere
how do I attack when he will not show weakness
it is not a game I ever wanted to play
inevitably
our game will end when he wins
but we are early in the game yet
he has plotted his strategy a hunderd steps ahead
while I am only here and now
and I don’t know where the game is going
we can only play alongLabels: espial
Thursday, May 1, 2008 @2:18 AM
Sonnet 18
***
Dearest:
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
How DARE you compare me to a summer’s day. Summer days are a cent a dozen in Malaysia if you haven’t noticed. So very low-class. And common!
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Yes yes I know I am lovely. But temperate? I am not temperate! I am sizzling. Sizzling I tell you! Temperate indeed. Did you mean placid instead? Like a cow chewing her cud in her muddy field? Heaven forbid the image of ME as a cow.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
Rough winds? Choi! Are you trying to curse me or something? Might as well set a tornado on me. I heard it’s quite calm in the eye of the storm. And I think I’ll be quite happy after I see you spinning by in the ‘rough winds’.
And summer's lease hath all too short a date;
You’re saying I’m ... I’m old!
Sometimes too hot the eye of heaven shines,
I burn you! You hate me!
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
My face! It does not dim.
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
First rough winds, now this. Didn’t your mother teach you to keep quiet when you have nothing nice to say? Do you absolutely have to tell me that I’ll grow old and wrinkly? Well? Do you?
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
So now you’re saying it’s my destiny.
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
I guess summer isn’t that bad.
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Dear boy, the in thing is a glowing tan, not ghost-white skin.
Not shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
Death. In a love poem. Right.
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st;
I have this vision of a very old tree. Ah well. It will go with the cow, I suppose.
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
Well, they do say we shall be extinct sooner rather than later.
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
Oh yes, this sonnet. Paints me in such a beautiful light, doesn’t it? Sigh. Maybe you should just keep it simple. Three words.
I love you.
Her.
***
no offence to shakespeare! he's amazing and we worship him.
but this jumped into my head and wouldn't go away. poor shakespeare.
Labels: espial
Tuesday, April 22, 2008 @8:07 PM
He was prepping the fire
Loosening the rope
Preparing to sail the skies
He would float up above
Untroubling
Untroubled
Leaving no mark
He would leave it all behind
That was his plan, at least.
He had climbed in
But he had not cut loose
There was a thread knotted in his heart
Shining, strong, almost invisible
He could not wrench it free any more than he could wrench out his heart
Because the other end of this rainbow thread
Lay anchored to the ground
She stood just beyond the edge
Behind the horizon of his sight and his heart
But he knew
She was there
Like the moon knew the Earth was there and revolved endlessly around it
perhaps the rainbow thread was there too
knotted in the heart of the Man on the Moon
O man on the moon
am I fated to be like you?
year by year by year
yet you are never closer
to the other end of the rainbow thread
but still
it binds
you
Labels: espial