I found the answer to one of my questions today, hidden innocently between the pages of the newspapers I have not been reading.
You have to have faith. You have to believe in something: God, a higher power, life, karma, gut... you have to believe in something.
It goes beyond the idea that there is someone up there pulling strings, it goes beyond the idea that our lives were decided the moment we were born by the pictures painted in the stars.
Everything. happens.
No back-out clause, no parallel lives. Every decision, every choice makes up the path we thread.
We live, by believing in meaning and purpose. We live, by having faith in hope.
We live by believing that however hard we try, we still can't mess everything up.
Labels: confessions
there are times when I want to hide away where there is nothing. a vacuum sounds so appealing right now.
strange how people talk of emptiness in negative connotations.
you see. there is life in its vibrance and colour and wonder -
but there are times when I don't want to think. or feel.
we are never truly absolved of that responsibility.
Labels: confessions
hearts are not had as a gift but hearts are earned
william butler yeats
Labels: golden
so pretty so pretty so prettyI'm thinking driving. =)
Labels: everyday
there is a faith people have in doctors, a belief, however unfounded it may be, that they will help to make everything right again. it is an illusion, of course, one that is roughly exposed whenever a loved one is hurt or harmed or gone but still, after the pain numbs, we keep believing in doctors. the elite group who meddle with our bodies because we give them every right to do so. they have certificates that we people have given them to help and to heal, proof that they know more than we do about our own bodies.
people believe that doctors are inherently good, just as they believe casino owners and lawyers are inherently bad. not a fact. because they can't be, the way horoscopes just can't be right - they encompass too many people and too many situations and we are human beings caught in this huge huge web of action and reaction. who knows when the next gust of wind will come, and change everything?
at the most primal, human beings have only two choices - fight or flight. and I have the utmost respect for people who step up and will do what needs to be done. when most people stop and stare, or look away, or just plain run and hide themselves away - doctors - I believe they will never step away from someone who really needs help. in a situation where they can help, they will. because knowledge and heart and ego is a powerful combination.
Doctors Without Borders have doctors helping and healing in China, Myanmar, Sudan - disaster-striken areas without proper healthcare or sanitation, without proper food, clean water, comfortable accomodation. man-made or natural, disaster is disaster, and the effects are so often hidden away behind press conferences and videos that glitter like gold. there is so much hurt in this world. so much hate.
this web we're all in? our part of the web is fine. the hole on the other side of the web? can't see it. doesn't exist. it's there. of course it's there. it'll always be there. truth is, the hole will get bigger and bigger, until the whole web collapses. but we'll see that when it collapses, no sooner.
Death
behind me
I turn and try to catch his eye
but he will never do me the honour
come out and fight like a man
we are playing chess
but I never see my opponent
while he watches me everywhere
how do I attack when he will not show weakness
it is not a game I ever wanted to play
inevitably
our game will end when he wins
but we are early in the game yet
he has plotted his strategy a hunderd steps ahead
while I am only here and now
and I don’t know where the game is going
Labels: espial
poke
watch Stardust
seriously
watch
the shopboy who turns Orlando Bloom-esque who turns into a mouse who wants cheese who turns into the ruler of Stormhold who flies into the sky
the pretty girl who will marry the guy with the cooler wedding gift
the other pretty girl who flies out of the sky (and glows) and gets onto a unicorn like 'oh of course there's a unicorn! who's surprised that a unicorn appeared?' and wears amazing dresses and a bathrobe
the beautiful scary witch with her knife and her green magic
Captain Shakespeare who deserves to be watched rather than described
the prince in a bathtub
the girl who goes 'I'm Bernard' in the lowest register a guy can have
the ghosties
the prologue with the Prince Caspian actor
the keeper of the wall! and his karate moves!
the other witches and their sacrificed animals
the ghosties!
the fairytale that will make you feel happy despite your best defences.
Labels: movies
There is a monster underneath my bed.Every night I wonder if tonight will be the night she scares me.
Labels: confessions
Here's something I love:
Beyond Mathematics
It's written in the snow. Hidden in the stars. And wrapped in paper on Christmas Eve. It's buried on a desert island. Scratched upon a tree. The way she cannot help but smile. The way you hate it when he leaves. It's written in a teenage diary. Danced upon a floor. Sung from the very depths of your soul as the crowd calls out for more. It's whispered to eternal spirits that watch you from above. It's in the blink of an eye. The slightest of smiles. In luck you can't explain. It rides the back of nervous foxes. Glistens in the eyes of fearless robins. In multicolored halos that illuminate the sky. It's dreams come true. Hopes achieved. And friends who phone you up to ask you how you've been. It's in frosty morning air. The way she plays with her hair. It's not a care for things they say you need. It's magical. Mystical. Brighter than gold. A thing that can't be sold. It's goose-bumps on the skin. The way she looks at him. A fable she once told.
I know a place where grown-ups do not go. A place they have forgotten many moons ago. It's not a place with neon lights. It's not bursting at the seams. It's not a place that you can see. It's just a place you feel.
-- a beautiful revolution
Labels: golden
"When I despair, I remember that all through history the way of truth and love has always won. There have been tyrants and murderers and for a time they seem invincible, but in the end, they always fall — think of it, always." -- Mahatma Gandhi
Labels: golden
I don't think tarot cards like me.
I would declare I met a gypsy (in an exotic, incense-filled tent, who took my palm and laid down her precious deck of cards - her life, her soul - and shook her head so the hoops in her ears winked and laughed along) but I didn't.
Instead I clicked a few buttons in a florescent lighted room and the tarot cards spelled out doom and disaster.
The life painted in the stars for me have words like futility, helplessness, misery, imperfection! empty existance and other woefully etheral predictions.
So what do I do?
Choose the prettiest of the lot and save it away.
Yay to the Golden Tarot Deck for being Golden even if its outlook wasn't bright and sparkly.
(No, I never was a believer.)
Labels: everyday
Ten things?
1 I have NO sense of direction. None! I need people to lead me practically anywhere.
2 I suck at faces, names and voices. If I've met you and then stare blankly at you... forgive me.
3 I don't watch tv. There's never anything to watch! Seriously. I only turn it on for sports telecasts.
4 I went from thinking David Beckham plays for MU to football fan and I don't regret it. Kaka rocks!
5 Books books books. Can't live without 'em. Enough said.
6 My computer is dying, my handphone has a scratch on its screen, and the iPod's earphones have been tortured and are in critical condition.
7 I like 7. 007 was my PMR registration number. Bond!
8 I have a cat that mews when it wants food and sleeps for the rest of the day. We're not sure she knows her name. ...I want a dog.
9 Sunshine and rainbows. Who wants rainy days?
10 I miss him.
Who I Want to Meet:
Dude you need a sense of direction. We can't have two lost people now can we?
Labels: confessions
Sonnet 18
***
Dearest:
Shall I compare thee to a summer’s day?
How DARE you compare me to a summer’s day. Summer days are a cent a dozen in Malaysia if you haven’t noticed. So very low-class. And common!
Thou art more lovely and more temperate:
Yes yes I know I am lovely. But temperate? I am not temperate! I am sizzling. Sizzling I tell you! Temperate indeed. Did you mean placid instead? Like a cow chewing her cud in her muddy field? Heaven forbid the image of ME as a cow.
Rough winds do shake the darling buds of May,
Rough winds? Choi! Are you trying to curse me or something? Might as well set a tornado on me. I heard it’s quite calm in the eye of the storm. And I think I’ll be quite happy after I see you spinning by in the ‘rough winds’.
And summer's lease hath all too short a date;
You’re saying I’m ... I’m old!
Sometimes too hot the eye of heaven shines,
I burn you! You hate me!
And often is his gold complexion dimm'd;
My face! It does not dim.
And every fair from fair sometime declines,
First rough winds, now this. Didn’t your mother teach you to keep quiet when you have nothing nice to say? Do you absolutely have to tell me that I’ll grow old and wrinkly? Well? Do you?
By chance or nature's changing course untrimm'd;
So now you’re saying it’s my destiny.
But thy eternal summer shall not fade,
I guess summer isn’t that bad.
Nor lose possession of that fair thou ow'st;
Dear boy, the in thing is a glowing tan, not ghost-white skin.
Not shall Death brag thou wander'st in his shade,
Death. In a love poem. Right.
When in eternal lines to time thou grow'st;
I have this vision of a very old tree. Ah well. It will go with the cow, I suppose.
So long as men can breathe or eyes can see,
Well, they do say we shall be extinct sooner rather than later.
So long lives this, and this gives life to thee.
Oh yes, this sonnet. Paints me in such a beautiful light, doesn’t it? Sigh. Maybe you should just keep it simple. Three words.
I love you.
Her.
***
no offence to shakespeare! he's amazing and we worship him.
but this jumped into my head and wouldn't go away. poor shakespeare.
Labels: espial