Jason threw a very orange book at me the other day and said, 'Look. You need this.'
Upon closer inspection:
!!!
I am a very safe driver!
(This is due to the fact I have only driven a car with an instructor right next to me to step on the brake or tell me not to turn on to the wrong lane.)
driving license!
safe driver
*indignant*
(cheers kum foeng and syn dee for achieving driver status! we girls rock that way)
Upon closer inspection:
!!!I am a very safe driver!
(This is due to the fact I have only driven a car with an instructor right next to me to step on the brake or tell me not to turn on to the wrong lane.)
driving license!safe driver
*indignant*
(cheers kum foeng and syn dee for achieving driver status! we girls rock that way)
But along with theorangebook came a reallyhugemap! A rung below the GPS system but I'll take it. =) Will attempt to plot out a route when I next drive to anywhere beyond my house.
I figure my house is somewhere around here since I can see Desa Waterpark and Mid Valley Mega Mall. That's about all I know though.Apparently there's a new car out there that auto-parks when you give it an empty spot. When will they invent a car that says, 'juvern! turn right here - no don't look at the dog - RED LIGHT - scary lorry on the left - hole on the road - person crossing in front of you don't knock him down'?
Ah forget it. I think I just need a car that will drive for me.
Or a helicopter! Lots of space in the air right? Right?
Hope! Mr. Phillip says to grow taller, I should boil the roots of groundnuts and chicken to drink. Also, he says I’m tall. And should put on weight. So I like him now! =)
I just logged my 10th hour of driving. I have come to the conclusion that I don’t like side parking nor three-point turns. They require you to turn the steering wheel until your arms break off. And you can’t even get a guy to do it for you! The sadness.
I’m legally allowed to take the driving test but I WILL FAIL. So I have more hours of driving lessons coming up and I am supposed to take the test next month. WHAT IF I FAIL. =( I will be very sad. Haih I really don’t like the test area – it has too many poles to knock into and too few yellow lines in the ground telling you where to go. There is a slope where your engine might die. =( Then you will fail. There are many ways to fail, really. Don’t touch the yellow lines on the ground. You’ll fail. Don’t drive into a tree. You’ll fail. Don’t roll down the slope. You’ll fail. Very unreasonable.
Mr. Phillip thinks Liverpool is no use. He is a Man U fan. Haih. But he thinks Torres is good! =D He also thinks Fernando Torres should go to Man U. =(
I have no sense of direction. But I think I’ll like this driving thing. The freedom. The lack of expectations.
DRIVING!
is very very scary.
I had my first two lessons on Saturday and Sunday and I have this newfound respect for all the drivers in the world. Because cars, people, are to fetch me around and not for me to drive! I very definitely need a chauffeur but while I am not rich enough the world shall have to deal with one more menace (me!) on the Malaysian roads. Anyone willing to sponsor a chauffeur is very welcome to do so. Please? You might save a few lives!
So the first time I got behind the wheel of the kancil (which is this very tiny car named after the mousedeer which is supposed to be smart and nimble; the car should be smart enough to drive me around automatically don't you think!) the very first time the car moved I thought ohmygod STOP! and jammed down on the pedal again. The car jerked. =(
Boys and girls, you see, are very different. A guy put in the exact same situation gets a rush of adrenaline and thinks YES! and stamps down on the accelerator and the car crashes into the nearest object unlucky enough to be in front of it. Unless the driving instructor (the unfortunate person sitting next to said excited boy) slams down on the extra brake. In which case the car jerks too. =(
So after I was convinced that yes, the car is meant to move so it can transport you from one place to another, I started driving! It is common knowledge that one is supposed to stay within the lines on the road and not scratch objects on the side of the road. What they don't tell you is that it's harder than it looks. I believe the kancil was weaving from one side to another like a drunken turtle as I checked the right mirror then the left mirror, each time swerving to the other side because I wasn't within the lines! I also have the utmost pity for any cars left by the side of the road because I was utterly convinced that I was going to bang into one. Hence I screamed to my driving instructor (Mr. Phillip, who is hilarious and deserves an entry of his own) car! motorbike! person! aah! Then he threw open his door and showed me the amount of space there was. After which I resumed swerving from one side of the road to another and screaming the names of random objects on the road.
I have never realised that there are so many things to look at. Neither have I realised that when driving a car, it is not encouraged to look at pretty doggies. I was checking out a golden retriever when the car decided to turn itself into the next lane. Horrible! Also, the number of things to pay attention to! Back mirror, side mirrors, road in front, road signs, direction signs, gear clutch brake accelerator handbrake ROAD IN FRONT don't look at your mirrors!
It is to be noted that we are in Malaysia. Not America, whatever your dream may be. So us Commonwealth people drive on the left side of the road. Okay, confession: I very nearly turned onto the wrong lane today before Mr. Phillip took control of the steering wheel. Once we were on the right (left) lane, I looked to the road not taken and saw a car heading in the opposite direction. If I were on that road, we would have had a head-to-head collision, which are proven to be the most fatal (says the undang ceramah guy, Mr. Fatah!). Moral of the story: figure out the right lane to be on, which is always the left lane.
Another embarrassing incident why am I typing this out anyway? So we were at a traffic light - I always seem to be the first car there, not sure why, must be the bad times - and then it turned green. Mr. Phillip said go! I said which way! He said 'there's only one way to go - front cannot, left cannot - you ask which way to turn?!' The correct answer, by the way, is to turn right. =)
For people who have never seen the testing area for driving, this was my first impression: 'Wow. There sure are a lot of cones to knock down. Ooh, there's a slope!' So, on my third hour of driving a car, we went to a hill to practise 'don't roll backwards and crash into the next car'. I then had irrefutable proof that manual cars are not very smart - they roll backwards on hills, thanks to this special thing called gravity. You actually have to balance the car before you get to drive! It's a little like a seal balancing a ball on the tip of its nose: you feel like something is going to go wrong in precisely one second. You either crash into the car behind you, or even better, the engine dies and the car behind you crashes into you, instead!
Fuel prices are going up, up and up. Why buy a car when it's statistically more dangerous than skydiving? Get a bicycle instead! Save the environment! (Or if you're like me and will potentially fall off the bicycle into the middle of the road, save up for a horse-drawn carriage. Make sure you keep an eye out for a fairy godmother while you're at it!)
Disclaimer: I am probably not as bad at driving as I make it sound. Having said that, please do make sure your health insurance is up-to-date before ever stepping foot near any car that will be driven by moi.
XOXO, Ju Vern.